ADHD rant

This month has been odd. Several mothers have reached out to me for support, advice, and empathy in regards to ADHD. I had new friend request, play dates arranged to meet moms with new diagnosis,  text messages, phone calls. I honestly didn't give it much thought until this morning. I'm wading through life with tunnel vision right now. Moving is on my brain so of course I lended a kind a word and gave hugs but I wasn't really attached to what's been going on this month.

This morning all the experiences and words from other mothers came rushing to me after a particular harsh week. Jr has had a rough week. It goes hand in hand with end of school activities. The change of routines make it hard for him to cope. The extra testing spark up his anxiety. The normal summer fever is magnified by his sensory issues. The next few weeks will suck. I know that. Nick knows that. Jr's doctors and therapist remind us of that. Knowing and dealing are two different beasts. I know this is a hard time for him and no amount of medication can help. Still when he throws a book at me and screams, "I hate you, you are the worst mother ever. You never want me to be happy. I'm miserable, miserable. Forever." Then falls into a weeping mess on his Daddy's favorite chair....well it's hard not to bite back or fall apart too. All of that just because I asked him to read for 15 minutes. I'm not even sure why he had a melt down this morning. But I didn't get my morning hug and it took ever inch of me not to raise my voice. He left. I sat at the window like I always do, coffee in hand and wept. ADHD sucks.

Then it happened. This Month rolled in front of my eyes. Mom number one called me to tell me her son was diagnosed with ADHD. She had known for a long time but the medicines scared her. Mom two messaged me to mentor a good friend of her. Mom number three said she felt like a failure and looked to me for inspiration. Me? Look at me? Why? I don't know mom number three very well. It's one of those long distance aquantaince Facebook friendships. All she sees is the joyful photos I post. But I don't post pictures of the meltdowns. Who has time to grab a camera during that? My life is not those photos. There were several other moms that reached out to me this month. Some how I didn't realize how many until I was curled up at the window watching my sons wait for the bus.

I lend kind words to all who reached out to me. I tried to connect through the haze of PCS (military lingo for moving) brain. I failed them. I white washed it and was very generic. Right now I want to be completely raw. I don't want to white wash what those moms or any special needs mom is experiencing. It sucks. It really sucks. When you are a mother you are filled up to the brim with love but when disappointment and anger are a daily part of your life it's hard to reconsile the love you have for your kids to the plain out disappointment you feel that this is your life. You got charts everywhere, you are counting bands, you are creating sensory corners, you are fighting for their rights to be treated equal, plus having them look at you with wild eyed pain. It sucks. And it is okay to tell people so.

1) Be realistic. We Christians believe God knitted our children in the womb and gave them to us as gifts. Often we put them on a pedestals and idolize them because their cute and sweet. Or we put them first before God and husband because we feel they are our duty. Sometimes we invest all of ourselves into them because we think they are our future. He didn't give them to us to idolize, worship, or invest in. He gave his Son for that. Our children are here to be mirrors of our sins, blessings to our hearts, but most importantly our children are here to grow in relation with God. It ain't about us. It is about God. So be realistic. They are on their own journey to God. They aren't here to praise and adore us.

2) Medicines are scary. Yup, they are. You don't know if you should do it? Talk to God. Nick and I knew God was leading us to give Jr meds but I out right ignored every sign. Then I looked up from my coffee one morning and saw JR choking his sister. He didn't mean any harm. He just can't control impulses with out lots of mg of meds. Your story might be different, that is why I pray you don't be a
dummy like me and you talk to God. We could have avoided that moment had I listened.


3) Other moms don't do it better. No one puts their dirty laundry on Facebook. Well, normal people don't. I don't really want anyone know that I yell at my kids from time to time. I don't want anyone judging me for whether or not I spank or don't spank. Most humiliating moment ever was when one of the boys threw something at my pregnant friend. I didn't even see it happen but when I found out I lost my cool and blew up. I sounded like a psychotic drill sergeant. That certainly isn't the mom I want to be or want to be seen as but I mess up from time to time. So will you. Luckily, I have friends who will hold my hand and support me even when I am an ass. I think you need to surround yourself with people who will do the same.

4) I survive because I confess. I pull Nick aside, my best friend, or my mom and I confess my ugly feelings and repent from them. That sounds all spiritually grown, right? No, it's just real. I call my mom and I cry and say, "I yelled at him and I was so mad." And she typically reminds me not to be an ass and that God already paid for my sins. So I move past It and focus on the Good that I have done and will do.

5) Your child was made for a reason. You aren't the Holy Spirit and although you are called to guide your child you are not called to save your child. God will save your child. God gave them ADHD for a reason. So have a little faith.

This journey is hard. Even if your kid doesn't have ADHD parenting is tough. Even if you don't have kids living is tough. I was reading Job 10 this am during my devotional time and Job is having a huge verbal tantrum. He wants to know why God would let him suffer. To live is to suffer and know joy. It's just how life is. It is equal parts sorrow and joy. Parenting is gonna roll with those same basic rules. Look to God and trust.